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Top 10 Police Comments

Posted on 25 August 2008 by Mark Smith

I got a speeding ticket the other day, and as I prepare to fight the ticket in court, I realized that there are always two sides to every story. Although I think that I am usually right, sometimes the other side has a very valid point. Here are my favorite 10 police comments that were actually taken from police car videos around the country.

1. “No, Sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

2. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

3. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

4. “Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In the case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.”

5. “Take your hands off the car, or I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

6. “Just how big were those two beers?”

7. “I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.”

8. “Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention I am the shift supervisor?”

9. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them a while.”

10. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t.”

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Top 10 Olympic Events

Posted on 13 August 2008 by Mark Smith

The Olympics are here, and I find myself thinking that if I lean forward off my chair, that I can influence the outcome of the race. The pride you get from your country taking the gold, silver, or bronze medal in any sporting event can be overwhelming. I know that just having the games on the TV while I am trying to fall asleep makes it impossible to drift off quickly. I just have to know if Michael Phelps and the boys are going to win the gold, so my head pops off the pillow every five minutes to catch a peek. Here are my favorite 10 Olympic events and the reasons why you have to watch.

1.Gymnastics. There is always some great story behind someone on the team. You expect the Chinese Powerhouse to win every time, and they usually do. They are just that good. I also deep down hope there is a spectacular fall, which will catapult the Team USA to the top of the standings.

2. Womens Volleyball. These are some of the toughest, and physically fit women in sports, with the smallest uniforms as well. A definite ratings boost.

3. Swimming. I like the fact that these athletes train their whole lives, putting countless hours in the pool, rain or shine, and in a few minutes I feel just as good as they do by winning the gold. I really feel like I also should get my medal in the mail.

4. Basketball. It doesn’t hurt to know that you have the greatest athletes in the world all playing together for your team. This brings up the debate on allowing Professionals into the Olympics, but as long as we win, I will just look the other way.

5. Water polo. I played water polo in high school and I can tell you that back then, just like today, not many people watch water polo. The running joke then was that the hardest part of playing water polo was getting the horse into the water. For those of you that have never seen water polo, there are no horses in the water. These athletes are sprinting non stop and they never touch the bottom of the pool. It is tougher than it looks.

6. Synchronized Swimming. I just find it amazing that they can not only hold their breath that long under water, but they seem to be flawlessly connected in their maneuvers. When they are on, it is a beauty to behold. Continue Reading

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Top 10 Ways to Keep Cool

Posted on 01 August 2008 by Mark Smith

Man, was it a hot and humid weekend. This week the top 10 list is the best ways to keep cool in the summer heat.

1. Go for a swim. If you don’t have a pool, call a friend that does and invite yourself over (at least bring snacks or drinks.)
2. Go to the movies. Edwards is great, it has 18 movies to choose from, and it is air-conditioned. Say Hi to Javier for me if you do. He is the best.
3. Keep hydrated. I recommend going to Callahan’s Pub and hydrating with several pints and watching sports. Just make sure you have a safe ride home. No drinking and driving.
4. Go to Target / Walmart, etc. and buy a cheap inflatable pool. Fill it with the hose, and believe me that water is going to be cold. Lay down, listen to the tunes, and just chill.
5. Ice shirt and hat. It sounds stupid, but it works. Wet a hat and t-shirt, then put them into the freezer. In a few hours, pull them out, and put em on. Very cold at first, but yes it will cool you off.
6. Cold shower. Not much fun alone, but invite a friend and you are doing your civic duty by saving water showering together.
7. Pretend you are the refrigerator repair man, and you are doing a routine preventive maintenance on the local restaurant of your choice. Just bring a tool bag with you, and stand in their walk-in cooler for a while. They are usually under 40 degrees in there, and below 0 in the freezer. Then tell the manager on duty that everything is fine, and there is no charge. They will be glad to hear there won’t be a $200 bill coming, and you might get a free meal to boot!
8. Invite the local kids in the neighborhood over for an ultimate water balloon fight. Just fill up two large coolers with waterballoons, and put them on opposite sides of the yard. Sure, they sting sometimes, but that is the price you pay to keep cool.
9. Make a rootbeer float. I don’t think there are many things better during summer than a good old fashioned A&W rootbeer float.
10. Wash your car with your kid. No matter how old they are, washing your car with the bucket and hose is not only a great bonding time, but you are always the one that gets to run the hose, and therefore get to soak the little turkey before he/she gets you. Then take them out for a slurpee. Now that is what summer is all about.

Legal note: please don’t try to attempt #7. It is only a joke. No one will just let you walk in and do preventive maintenance without the expressed written consent of major league baseball. Don’t drink and drive. Live long and prosper.

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Top 10 Greatest Sitcoms

Posted on 14 July 2008 by Mark Smith

I was watching TV the other day, when I realized there just aren’t any good sitcoms on anymore. That got me thinking about my new top 10 list. Greatest sitcoms of all time.

1. Cheers - I know Sam was the star, but I think Norm was the unsung hero of the show.
2. Seinfeld - I can’t think of another show that people would talk about more often at work the next day. No soup for you!
3. Everybody Loves Raymond - My wife & I lived next door to my parents when we first got married, and the show was far too accurate !
4. Married With Children - Al Bundy was the epitome of how every husband feels but is afraid to admit in public. Christina Applegate was a bonus.
5. M*A*S*H* - One of the greatest shows of all time. It made you laugh, cry, and showed you how to survive in the worst of situations - during wartime.
6. Two and a Half Men - This is the only modern sitcom that even qualifies. The writing is original, edgy, and you gotta love the cast.
7. All In The Family - I don’t think they could run this show in today’s “politically correct” society. Archie Bunker just called it as he saw it. Gotta respect that.
8. The Cosby Show - I wonder if Archie Bunker and Dr. Cliff Huxtable would have gotten along? Great show, but a polar opposite of the concept of All In The Family. It made you laugh in every episode, until the kids grew up and they ran out of funny plots.
9. Taxi - This show brought us a hilarious cast which included: Danny DeVito, Andy Kaufman, Christopher Lloyd, Tony Danza, Marylou Henner, Judd Hirsch, and Jeff Conaway (currenty under rehab with Dr. Drew, but still on tv!) Who thought it would last more than a season, but I loved it.
10. Friends - I don’t know anyone who has a group of friends like that, but who wouldn’t want to try to hook up with Rachel or Monica? I think I would “take a bullet for the President” and date Phoebe if it meant I had a shot at her best buddies.

There it is, my list of favorites. I know, I left out The Simpsons, Southpark, and several other great animated ones, but I think they should have their own category. Remember that these are my favorites, but I do like to know yours as well. What did I forget? Let me know. Thanks for the feedback.

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Top 10 Movie Quotes

Posted on 13 July 2008 by Mark Smith

Top 10 list volume 5. I told my poker night buddies about the 10 best guy movies, and they suggested the best quotes from movies as a topic. That is going to be this week’s list. My favorite Movie Quotes are:

1. “You’re killing me, Smalls !” - The Sandlot (1993)
2. “You’ll shoot your eye out !” - A Christmas Story (1983)
3. “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” - Dirty Dancing (1987)
4. “I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.” - The Godfather: Part II (1974)
5. “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” - Animal House (1978)
6. “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die !” - The Princess Bride (1987)
7. “Get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’.” - Shawshank Redemption (1994)
8. “There’s no crying in baseball.” - A League Of Their Own (1992)
9. “I’m an excellent driver.” - Rainman (1988)
10. “Say hello to my little friend! ” - Scarface (1983)

These are just a few of my favorites, and I am sure you can add to this list. I only list 10 to keep it simple. Any ideas for future lists? Let me know in the comments box below.

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Top 10 Guy Movies

Posted on 10 July 2008 by Mark Smith

New week, new list. I was talking to a friend the other day about being punished into watching “Beaches” one time by an old girlfriend. This lead me to either write about the ten best guy movies of all time, or the 10 best chick flicks of all time. The fact that I am a dude will sway the vote to list my 10 favorite guy movies. Here they are:

1. Caddyshack
2. Animal House
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Pulp Fiction
5. Godfather (part 1, part 2)
6. Starwars (the first one issued, volume 4 in the series)
7. Fast Times at Ridgemont High
8. Brave Heart
9. The Usual Suspects
10.Shawshank Redemption

Now, I know there are far too many great movies to stuff into a top 10 list, but I used as a guideline movies that I could watch over and over again, or they had such great quotes that I still use them frequently. I can’t think of another movie that used Fresca for an ad placement than Caddyshack. That’s just awesome. “How ’bout a Fresca, hmm, huh?” Ted Knight is my hero. Have fun with your list… I am looking forward to Jennifer’s 10 best chick flicks ( or feel free to list your favorite guy movies!).

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My Bucket List

Posted on 08 July 2008 by Mark Smith

Did you see the movie “The Bucket List” with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman? I haven’t seen it yet, but it does create a great post opportunity. What would go on your list of things to do before you kick the bucket? Some of mine I have actually accomplished, some seem very far fetched, and others I am working on completing. Here is my list:

1. Play a round of golf at St. Andrews in Scotland and drink pints of Guinness with the locals.

2. Buy a round of drinks for everyone in a bar without giving a reason. (easy to check this one off the list if you do it at closing time in a very small bar).

3. Go to another city to see your favorite artist play in concert, even though they played right here in San Diego. (I saw Stevie Wonder play in Arizona last year, and it was awesome!)

4. Sing the National Anthem at an event (not just standing in the crowd mouthing the words).

5. Write the last check paying off the 30 year mortgage on my house.

6. Watch my son hit a home run, and tell him that I am proud of him.

7. Volunteer to help change someone’s life for the better, not for the praise, but because it is the right thing to do.

8. Take my whole family on an exotic trip (we are far too practical to accomplish this one, but it is there none the less.)

9. Catch a baseball (foul or home run) at a Padres game. Note: I did get hit in the face by a homerun ball when I was 18, but a greedy fan decided he needed it more than I did.

10. Win more than a free ticket in the Lottery. I know, I am more likely to get struck by lightening than winning the lottery, but a boy can dream.

That is my bucket list. What would be on yours?

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Jukebox From Hell

Posted on 07 July 2008 by Mark Smith

I had a good time making the list of greatest songs of all time, and then it reminded me of a road trip tape I made years ago. I called it the “jukebox from hell” and the requirement for a song to make the list was this: it had to be a once beloved song which was played so often that after hearing it; you automatically wanted to hit the fast forward button to hear the next song. This was well before cd players, Ipods, and other modern devices which would automatically shift to the next song. Here are a few of the songs that made my list (in no particular order).

1. You Light Up My Life – Debbie Boone

2. I Think I Love You – The Partridge Family

3. The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia – Vickie Lawrence

4. Elvira – The Oak Ridge Boys

5. Puttin’ On The Ritz – Taco

6. A Fifth of Beethoven – Walter Murphy

7. Stayin’ Alive – The Bee Gees

8. Brand New Key – Melanie

9. Muskrat Love – Captain and Tennille

10. Escape (the pina colada song) – Rupert Holmes

I stand behind this list. All were once very popular songs, and when you hear the first few notes, you will remember them fondly. Then wait a few seconds, and you will want to race to the remote and forward to the next track. I guarantee it.

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Doug’s Rant on Saving Spots at the Rec Center

Posted on 05 July 2008 by Doug Dillard

I woke up this morning still wiped out from yesterday’s festivities. My 4th of July celebration actually started on the day before, as we get everything ready early on the 3rd and then head over to the Rec Center about 4:00 PM to grab our prime spot so we have it for the next day. We have been in the same spot for over 10 years. Each year we have been getting there an hour or so earlier than we did the year before, as more and more people start showing up each year. We usually have about 10 to 15 friends show up that night and we hang out, play games, and socialize to about midnight. Then we have at least 2 guys camp out in a tent to keep the spot.

Well this year we had lunch over at Callahan’s, and after we ate (around 1:30), me and my boys drove by the Rec Center to see if people had already started setting up for the next day. To my surprise there were tons of people already staking out spots. Someone had even taken our traditional spot.
Doug\'s Rant
Now, I would not have been mad at all if I saw someone sitting there holding the spot. I would have walked over and said, “Bummer, you got our favorite spot”, asked him what time he got there, and that would have been that. But that is not what happened.

These guys came early in the morning and took plastic tape (like police tape) and wrapped it around a couple of trees and a few chairs to mark their territory, and then left, leaving no one there to hold the spot. Then they showed up about 4:30 in the afternoon and started setting up.

In my opinion, that is just not right. That is like waiting in line to buy tickets to some big event coming up and putting your chair there 2 days early, and then showing up when the ticket box opens up.

I actually went around and spoke to several people that had been there all day and they said that they saw lots of people getting there at 7 AM and taping off areas and then going to work for the day. There were even a couple of real young guys that taped off their area on the night of July 2nd and then showed up around 5 PM on the 3rd. Now that is really crazy.

Okay, I am going to quit rambling on about this, as we actually got a fine spot and we had a great day. That just really bugged me at the time and I promised myself I would write a post and see what other people thought. So, if you would please leave a comment below letting me know what you think about people being able to hold a spot without actually being there, I would really appreciate it. I may be totally wrong in my thinking… that is why I want to get your opinion.

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10 Greatest Songs of All Time

Posted on 27 June 2008 by Mark Smith

I like lists. I like to disagree with other’s lists. I think this creates great debate and discussion on any topic. I just enjoy a good verbal fight. I don’t necessarily need to win, I just like to participate.

Take a simple thing like “the 10 greatest songs of all time.” My list would look like this:

1. Hotel California – The Eagles
2. Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin
3. Blackbird – The Beatles
4. I Wish – Stevie Wonder
5. Layla – Eric Clapton
6. Because I Love You – Lenny Williams
7. Funeral for a Friend – Elton John
8. Scenes from an Italian Restaurant – Billy Joel
9. Into The Mystic – Van Morrison
10. 16 Tons – Tennessee Ernie Ford

I just finished typing my list, and already I disagree with several picks. Reading other’s lists enables me to learn a little about a complete stranger. Are they a rocker, or into punk or R&B? Do they have any ballads, which would show a sensitive side, or is it all about partying and stadium anthems? Does the list represent different genres, or is it completely one sided? Do I even know any of their songs at all? If I like some of them, I might just try out some of the others. Let me know what you think of my list, and please include a top 10 of your favorites. I will post a new top 10 with a specific category, so if you have any ideas, I would love to hear from you.

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